Putting It All Together!!!
The issues presented in my materials as they related to sensory input integration and relay failure, order, partiality, labeling, color and motion and the inability of the autistic child to understand "the whole" without first understanding "the parts" that made up the whole made for a very convincing argument as to whether or not my theory truly did explain so much in autism...and also, in matters relating to brain structure and function.
There were certainly many parents who, undoubtedly, felt completely overwhelmed, as I did, as they first began to understand just how truly impacted autistic children were by this apparent inability to properly integrate their world... to properly put together the parts to the whole. This one impairment, indeed, seemed to explain so much!
As I came to understand more and more in my own son, there were many times that, as I walked on so many of my morning walks, during my moments of quiet - I cried, deeply - from the pain of this realization. I now saw just how much Zachary had been so completely changed - in everything - as a result of autism. My concerns for his safety, especially, were truly distressing. I knew many readers would have the urge to stop reading what I had to say as I now discussed healing and matters of spirituality, however, I encouraged all, even those who did not believe in God, to keep reading because in addition to matters of healing and spirituality, there was a great deal more in this section, as it related to science and illness, specifically. So, if readers were in any way offended by my briefly discussing matters of spirituality as they related to healing, I hoped they could get past my views on this, and keep reading anyway, because, again, this section had a great deal more than “matters of spirituality” in it.
There were many in the world who believed in God... or at least said that they did. For those of you who do not believe in God, what I was about to share with you may be something you will have great difficulty understanding, but, I hoped that you will read this section, in full, because it too, has a very real story to tell... and, like the many pages I had put before you in terms of helping you to understand autism, the way I now truly understood it, I hoped the following would somehow also be of value to all persons who read these materials. Those studying issues of spirituality and brain function, would certainly find this section interesting!
Two and a half years ago, when Zachary was first diagnosed with autism, I thought I had a relationship with God. Looking back, I now knew I truly did not. I had been raised Catholic, and had gone to church pretty well every Sunday as a child. Later in life, church had become less important... and God was placed on a backburner.
My life had been what many would have considered so "perfect"... a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter, both my husband and I had jobs most people envied. We were young up and coming executives in corporate America. Both Frederick and I had always been considered employees with great potential... then, within our perfect world - came Zachary!
Zachary, from the very start, had been a very different child to care for than had been our daughter. He just seemed to require so much more work... even in the simplest things. Frederick and I had been so busy with corporate life, that I believe we truly failed to see what was staring us in the face for a very long time... the fact that with each passing day, we were slowly losing our son!
But, the realization did come... as did the label of "autism". Our journey with autism led us through very difficult and trying paths but it also led us to a very rewarding path. Feeling unable to carry this burden of autism on our own, we turned to God and cast our burdens upon Him.
God would greatly test my faith... on a very personal level, and with much more than autism. But, the more I was tested, the more I turned to Him for answers.
I knew the word of God, the Bible, was true and I accepted it as complete truth! Doing so, was indeed a matter of faith... you either believe the word of God is truth, or you do not! I chose to believe it was.
I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father but by me (John 14:6)
Nothing shall be impossible to those who believe (Matthew 17:20)
There were many examples in the bible that those who had true faith had received the object of their desire (be that healing, power over peoples and nations, etc.). Having accepted the Bible as 100% truth, I also accepted the above scriptures as 100% truth... along with the scripture:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened" (Matthew 7:7-8)
These three scriptures, when combined, provided for me a powerful message... God's word is truth, nothing is impossible for the believer, and if you ask something of God, and believe in faith, you shall receive it!
As such, with all my heart I believed in the truth of scripture, and that it would be possible to get the answers I sought if I called on God to give them to me. His word was truth, and as such, He would be true to His word. I was convinced of that. The scriptures say that when you pray, you have to believe in faith that you will receive what you pray for. For me, it was simply a matter of time... I knew I was going to get my answer - the answer I so desperately needed to understand my son!
Indeed, each breakthrough I received, I received within hours of praying for something very specific. Each day, I listened to the Bible on CD as I went to sleep each night. Hearing the word of God made me believe the word of God. It was not as if all my time was spent in prayer or religious activity. Far from that. Although I tried to listen to the bible on CD each night, there were countless nights when I seemed to fall asleep within just a minute of two. It often took me several night to get through just one CD in its entirety. There were several nights when I was so exhausted just from the day that I just said a one line prayer and crawled into bed – not even having the strength it seemed to even turn on the CD player. But, each day, I did try to give a little part of my day to God and each day, I did call on Him for help. Like all those who prayed, so many times, I felt my prayers were not getting through. But, still I persisted. I knew God answered prayers even though, many times, those answers came not in the manner we expected. I certainly had no idea that in answering my pleas to understand my son, I would also come to see how autism touched absolutely all areas of life for everyone.
One night, at about 10:30 pm, my husband had just left our bedroom to go do some work on his computer. I had just spoken to him... and was fully awake. This had been one of my better nights in terms of how I felt… in spite of the fact that my husband and I had just had a small disagreement – nothing major, but, it certainly had made it so that I was fully awake, and yes - even a little bit upset. Within less than a minute of my husband having left our bedroom, something very unusual happened. For those of you who do not believe in God, what you are about to read will be very difficult for you to understand, and indeed, it may be difficult even for those who do say they believe in God.
As I lay on my bed, fully awake, I experienced a tremendous flash of light within me, specifically, within my head. This flash was as bright as the brightest lightning strike imaginable. Within that flash was an image... it was the image of a 1/6 of a pie. Within this pie shape, there was a weaved pattern. The weave was very loose and was black and navy blue. Through this weave, bright rays of white light shone in an upward fashion, in all directions and the entire weave pattern undulated as the light shone through it. Then, at the very end of this flash, the pie shape quickly started to spin to the left. At the moment the spinning started, the flash was gone. All this, I had seen within less than a second... a brilliant flash and image and one so powerful that I instantaneously captured all its detail.
Needless to say, I was completely puzzled by what I had just experienced...and thought about it for about a half hour. I had often felt that God, in the past had sent me very specific messages, such as my dream of a room of colors, and this, I felt, was simply another one of those occasions. I did not understand the meaning of this particular message, but, I knew He would provide it for me. In spite of what had just happened, I felt a tremendous inner peace and had no problem falling asleep within a half hour or so.
As my husband and I discussed this image, and as I drew it for him on a chalkboard - as I drew it - I came to understand much of what I had been given in that message.
The pie shape, in my view, represented "a part" to a whole... that was the first thing I had been able to understand. It would take me weeks to fully understand this image... I had experienced this image toward the end of July 2002 but only fully understood it by the end of August. The issue of partiality, in terms of the autistic child needing to understand the parts to understand the whole, I had already come to understand - prior to receiving this image. What I had not understood until much later, however, was that “the parts”, truly, consisted of all sensory input.
The significance of color within the image told me that color was somehow involved. I had not, however paid attention to the color in the image until an autistic adult made mention to me in early August that as a child, he perceived objects as colors.
The significance of the spinning and its ability to make "parts" disappear and become integrated within the whole as an object spun, I came to understand within a day of having received this image.
What I had missed until the end of August, was how this image related to motion. I knew the undulation represented motion, but, in having been so focused on understanding "spinning", I simply thought the importance of motion for the autistic child had to do with spinning only. It was close to a month later that I truly came to understand the potential role of motion in the autistic child.
The weave, I came to see as meaning that everything was part of a whole and that everything was inter-related.
Within this flash were all the answers I had sought... and in one instant, God had provided them all. In that one flash, He had so completely answered my prayers!
As I sat down to share all this information with other parents, there were many times that as I was writing a specific section, I would come to understand more on that specific issue as I wrote... the more I wrote, the more I came to understand so much of what I had seen in Zachary. As I worked on this project, each day I prayed God that He guide my hands – and indeed, I believed He did. Many times, I had not understood or I had missed something, yet, when I wrote the section that related to that specific issue, the understanding I needed came – often at the very time I needed it to come – at that “perfect spot” within the text for that particular section.
I encouraged all parents and indeed, societies worldwide, to see autism in a new light now and to think of how my family's journey and my understanding of my son could help in the recovery of other autistic children. More importantly, I encouraged parents and professionals to continue to look beyond what I had provided here. Surely, there may be much more I had yet to see myself in all this ... perhaps even things I misinterpreted. I certainly was no neurologist, but was confident this work had provided enough to move many fields forward in terms of how we looked at so many issues. My theories may not be completely accurate, but the fact that they explained so much, at least had to convince many that this was indeed a huge part to the puzzle.
If my theories as they related to autism and the structure and function of the brain were indeed correct, in but a flash, in but a fraction of a second, God, in His infinite power would have provided me with such invaluable information that much of what man once believed to be true – much of science – indeed, had to go back to the drawing board! I anxiously awaited what would come of this work as I had presented it to you!
Issues of spirituality were always matters science tended to shy away from. Yet, perhaps this was one of the very areas where science should be spending more time. Man has never been able to map “functions relating to spirituality” in the human brain. I, personally, believe that was because God was a part of our complete being. The Bible teaches us that all healing comes from God. Indeed, the topic of “healing” was one of the strongest messages provided in the Bible. I was not in any way trying to tell people to disregard their doctors or stop taking their medications. What I was saying, however, was that perhaps when things seemed so hopeless, man should consider once again turning to God also for help.
Issues of spirituality were truly difficult issues for many, and I understood that. Many, indeed, did not believe in God and would certainly consider me a fool for believing in Him. Yet, to these persons, I had but one reply. If I were wrong in matters relating to God and His existence, then I would simply have lived an illusion. But, if indeed I were correct and those who did not believe in God were wrong, then the consequences of that were much more serious indeed for those who rejected Christ. After life on earth they had nothing to look forward to and much to fear. On the contrary, if I were right, I had a great deal to look forward to – a glorified body free of any illness for eternity, a mansion to live in, joy and singing for all of eternity...beauty beyond anything man could ever imagine… all things promised to believers in Christ. Believing in God had brought great joy to my life… and quite frankly, if I were right, and those not believing in Christ were wrong, then eternity was a very long time to be in the wrong place, especially if that place involved fires, screaming, and the gnashing of teeth for all of eternity. Quite frankly, that was not a risk I, personally, was willing to take. Through Zachary’s autism, I had heard enough screaming to last me a lifetime and could not possibly imagine hearing screams for all of eternity. God’s words of love and hope, for me, were truly the only option. To those who would argue that God’s existence had not been proven, I could only say that indeed, one’s belief in God was truly a matter of faith… and I did have that faith and the immense joy and peace that went along with having faith in God.
Those who did believe in God, indeed did have much to look forward to. I knew my son may not be perfect or healed here on earth… but one day, he would be perfect and completely healed and he would be with me forever. In my opinion, too many turned away from God thinking He had failed to answer their prayers when it came to healing. Yet, nowhere did the Bible state that healing would be completely “of this world”. In fact, most passages in the Bible tend to refer to healing of the soul and to being completely healed when in the presence of God after life on earth. Nevertheless, there certainly was hope for healing while still on earth. Many persons on earth had experienced healing miracles, healings beyond anything man or science could explain.
In view of the materials presented in this document matters of spirituality as they related to healing were interesting indeed. The Bible teaches us that while on earth, Christ performed numerous healings… of many kinds.
He made the blind see (healed sensory damage).
As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, “Have mercy on us, Son of David!” When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” “Yes, Lord,” they replied. Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith will it be done to you;” and their sight was restored. Matthew 9:27-29
What was very interesting in this passage was the “according to your faith” statement. That the blind men had to believe to be healed!
He made the lame and paralyzed walk again (motor dysfunction/spinal cord injury).
When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. “Lord”, he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering.” Jesus said to him, “I will go and heal him.” The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, “Go,” and he goes; and that one, “Come”, and he comes. I say to my servant, “Do this,” and he does it.”
When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and said to those following him, “I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith”… Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! It will be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that very hour. Matthew 8:5-10, 13
Again, the message was that one had to believe and have faith!
He healed leprosy (immune system dysfunction).
As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!” When he saw them he said, “Go show yourselves to the priest.” And as they went, they were cleansed. Luke 17: 12-14
Again, the message was one of having faith… “as they went”… indicates the 10 had faith that they would be healed.
He healed those having seizures (epilepsy… corpus callosum issues?).
Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people. News about him spread all over Syria, and people brought to him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering from pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed, and he healed them. Matthew 4:23-24
He raised the dead (brain stem issues).
Then, a man named Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue, came and fell at Jesus’ feet, pleading with him to come to his house because his only daughter, a girl of about twelve, was dying….While Jesus was speaking, someone came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue ruler. “Your daughter is dead,” he said. “Don’t bother the teacher any more.” Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.”… “She is not dead but asleep.” They laughed at him, knowing that she was dead. But, he took her by the hand and said, “My child, get up!”. Her spirit returned, and at once she stood up… Luke 8:41-55
Again, it was a matter of having faith!
Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. Matthew 9:35
Great crowds came to him, bringing the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute and many others, and laid them at his feet; and he healed them. Matthew 15:30
These passages clearly indicate that God can heal the believer. There were many, many other passages in the bible regarding healing. Although these passages refer specifically to physical healing, perhaps, more important was spiritual healing – healing of the soul and of eternal life. Surely, there were many on earth who were believers in Christ and who had spent countless hours praying for a healing miracle. Many, indeed, perhaps felt that God had abandoned them, believing he had not answered their prayers for healing. I knew I had wondered “why my son?”…
I know knew the answer to that question.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
In my opinion, God did have a plan for each life… for my life, and for Zachary’s life as well. But man was a “free agent”. God had given man the power to decide for himself what to believe… what to put faith in. It was all too easy to turn from God when illness struck. But, God had not given Zachary autism nor did I suspect had he given man many other illnesses. Yet, by turning to God in my own moment of need, it was I who was healed and as a result of Zachary’s illness, I truly believed our family had been given a great gift, a relationship with God and hope of an eternal, perfect life with Him.
The difficulties faced by families of the autistic, and indeed, by all who are afflicted by illness, as challenging as they were, still… were but for a short time. Life on earth was short… but eternity… that was forever… and forever was a very, very long time!
There was no doubt in my mind that God answered prayers, even though, often, those answers seemed to come in ways we would not have expected. Truly, not everyone who believed and prayed would be healed while on earth. But, God did promise that all those who believed would have glorified bodies and everlasting life. So, in that sense, yes, God does answer all prayers. We know not why God works the way He does, but, in my heart, I simply had to believe that it was for a purpose. Truly, it was a matter of faith!
Issues of spirituality as they related to healing were truly fascinating to me. The above examples from the Bible clearly indicated that God had the power to heal all ailments… up to and including death. I thus chose to put my faith in Him. Did that mean that I put no faith in man’s ability to heal? Not at all! Indeed the Bible tells us that believers can also have the power to heal within them.
The apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders among the people… As a result, people brought the sick into the streets and laid them on beds and mats so that at least Peter’s shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by. Crowds gathered also from the towns around Jerusalem, bringing their sick and those tormented by evil spirits, and all of them were healed. Acts 5:12, 15-16
Thus, God gave some men the power to heal… as He had. God also gave man the intelligence to make medications for specific ailments and, indeed, the bible alludes to the fact that all we need for curing ailments can be found in the herbs of the land.
And God said, "See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed to you; to you it shall be as food." Genesis 1:29
Was it any wonder efforts were already underway in Europe by the pharmaceutical industry to make all supplements (i.e., herbs) prescription only?
The Bible also states “truth shall spring out of the earth” (Psalm 85: 11). Likewise the tree springs from the earth. Indeed, man himself if often referred to as a tree in the Bible. There were literally 358 references to the word “tree(s)” in Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible… the tree of life, the tree of knowledge, the tree of righteousness, the tree that blooms, the tree that withers, etc. Trees could indeed bear good fruit or bad. Indeed, within the herbs and trees of the land, man could find health and nourishment.
The Tree Of Life - This was the title to a poem I had written. A few of its verses are provided below:
The Tree Of Life
Each man is as a tree, created by God,
Unique as it reaches to the heavens above.
For, the tree of life, it blossoms, it grows,
From its roots to the heavens, its majesty shows.
8 more verses go here…
And, if its trunk grows crooked - may it not fall,
As it searches for heaven - and tries to stand tall.
For, the tree of life, its branches span wide,
Though the tree can be hurt, by those at its side.
But, a broken branch, like a broken heart,
Can make the tree stronger, though it’s ripped apart.
17 more verses end the poem…
I did not provide the entire poem here. This poem would be sold via the US Autism Ambassador’s organization, with a part of the proceeds going to providing therapy for the autistic.
The tree… each so beautiful and so unique… so plentiful, so nourishing, so healing… each bearing fruit. The greatest tree of all though truly was Christ the Son of God who became man, who himself had died on the tree that all men may be healed. Christ’s body had been broken to heal all men.
Broken bodies, broken hearts, broken minds… painful reminders of what it meant to be human, but powerful tools that could also be part of the healing process.
Yet many persons failed to understand that when speaking of healing, God spoke to us not only of physical healing, but of spiritual healing as well… and spiritual healing, was perhaps the most important healing of all! How each individual responded to the materials presented in this document would undoubtedly show one’s fruits in relation to others. Would that fruit be good, or bad? That truly would depend on each and every “tree”!
Spirituality and healing… an interesting topic indeed… and for many in the field of science, truly another “cause unknown”! Two topics or areas of study once thought so “unrelated” were perhaps much more closely related than man could ever imagine from both a physical and spiritual healing perspective. From a scientific perspective, spirituality was a rather interesting and intriguing area of study when it came to issues of brain structure and function and healing. The word of God, the Bible, had provided great hope for me. It was the one thing I knew to be 100% true. God was true to His word and within His word, there were no lies… and no deception on the part of God. Of that, I had no doubt… and with that, came great hope.
Those who believe in God truly know that His world was one of perfect order… and that it made total sense that illness was truly “disorder”… disorder of moods (bipolar), disorder of thoughts (schizophrenia, paranoia), disorder in motor functions (obsessive compulsive behavior), disorder in physical structures (paralysis, Fragile X, Huntingtons, etc.), disorder in the concept of self (personality disorders, etc.)... and, perhaps the ultimate “disorder” – autism - almost a combination of all the others… a total disorder… impacting sensory input/output, behavior, motor skills, memory, emotions/moods, the concept of self, the digestive process, the immune system, organ function and so much more!
Sure, I knew Fragile X and Huntingtons and so many other illnesses had been proven to have a chromosomal link. Yet, Fragile X, for example, was also a condition marked by behavioral problems, memory issues, sensory input/output issues, motor impairment and gene mutation. I considered the fact that some children seemed to also be more “susceptible” to autism genetically. Interesting! I also knew that aluminum (also in vaccines) was a known gene mutant and that this was why aluminum-rich soil was used to genetically alter foods. Again, if the genetic matter of plants could be impacted by aluminum, what made man think that human dna would not be? All these “disorders”… perhaps they, too, were a lot more “related” than we had ever thought in the past. So many of them involved “brain lesions” and so many of them involved gene mutations… so many of them involved atrophy of some kind. Mercury was known to cause brain lesions, aluminum was known to cause genetic mutations… both substances were found in vaccinations! Was all this simply a “coincidence”? Could illnesses of muscular atrophy somehow be the result of mercury exposure leading to the degeneration of muscle tissue… layer after layer after layer of muscle tissue? So many illnesses with an “unknown cause” and a “gradual onset”. So many illnesses providing indications of brain lesions. This was all very interesting indeed and certainly would give science much to think about.
Surely those in the pharmaceutical industry and in government agencies responsible for vaccination programs would be quick to refute my thoughts on this matter… but, in looking at the many similarities, the many parallels across so many of these illnesses… the fact that so many “disorders” had symptoms associated with other illnesses, “mirror symptomsã” as I called them, truly made me wonder if we were looking at “different illnesses” or “disorders” or simply various shades of the same thing… and that depending on where the brain lesion, the degeneration, or the gene mutation occurred as a result of mercury or aluminum exposure… various symptoms surfaced.
Indeed, if mercury caused neural degeneration as devastating as had been shown by the University of Calgary team of scientists (see p. 339), what devastation could mercury do to other tissues… muscle tissue, organ tissue, any cell tissue! I encouraged all adults to view this short video on neural degeneration as a result of mercury exposure. It was truly an eye opener! Perhaps all these “disorders” were simply the result of differing rates of degeneration due to mercury exposure or aluminum exposure in various areas of the human body.
Mercury and aluminum were naturally occurring elements. Thus, these “disorders” certainly all could have existed from day one. It was only recently, however, that we had so proactively used mercury and aluminum medicine… and it was only so recently that so many of these illnesses had become almost epidemic. Could it be that the “symptoms” of specific disorders were but a “hint” as to where the brain lesions or other atrophy had occurred… as to where the gene had been mutated as a result of this exposure? As MRI technology became more and more fine tuned, what it would reveal in terms of these issues would be most interesting indeed!
If this were true, then, perhaps, based on brain structure and function, we could much more easily tailor therapy programs for impacted individuals.
The autistic child… once a forgotten child… now the key to so much!
I knew there would be many who would laugh or scoff at what I had come to see as a spiritual experience – the flash within me. Science could easily choose to discount this experience – and that was fine if they so chose to do that. Having lived it however, as crazy as I was sure it sounded to so many of my readers, I, personally, could not discount it. Discounting my spiritual experience was something science could easily do – discounting everything else in this document, however, would prove a little more challenging to even the best of scientific minds given that so much could now be explained on brain structure and function and neural degeneration as a result of exposure to mercury.
I hoped that in “Saving Zachary”, I would be able to help, in some way, to “save” many other children and adults as well and also help man to truly understand so much more when it came to man himself… to help many have hope.
The evidence seemed strong that many physical structures were indeed not working properly within the autistic child and that our understanding of the actual physical structures and functions within the brain may have seriously been misunderstood. Yet, perhaps more strongly, the evidence also clearly indicated – that in spite of the living hell they had been forced to endure, the determination of these children to break the code and understand their world was truly a testimony to the fact that - their spirit, however, had not been broken – and in the end, it was, truly, the spirit that mattered!
God had been the one strength for me throughout my journey with autism. It had been because of Him that had found the strength to write this document, in spite of its many implications, and that I had finally been able to let go of my anger to move forward in a positive way and I hoped many others could also learn to do so. God had not created this mess – man had! But we would now need God more than ever to pull us through this!
Through this work, may God richly bless each family and every child whose life has been so changed by – autism.
This work I provide to all of you…
For the glory of God!